Speaking the Truth in Love

Following is the outline of the message from a week ago on conflict resolution - which was entitled "Speaking the Truth in Love."

• Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God. (Mat 5:9)
• As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ. (1 Tim 4:14-14, emphasis added)
  

Getting emotionally and spiritually healthy will create conflict in our relationships…

A. Models of some basic and overlapping dysfunctions:

1. Addictive Behavior – There are, at least, 2 types of addictive behavior:

• Ingestive addictions where we abuse substances like alcohol, drugs, or food; or ??
• Process addictions like work, sex, money, gambling, or relationships.
• Definition of addiction: wherever denial is present.
  

2. Co-dependency -- A conscious, or sub-conscious, attempt to protect the addictive behavior in another person – or people -- from suffering the effects of addictive behavior.

3. ACOAs can also be co-dependent, because ACOAs often come from broken or dysfunctional homes.

B. THE REASON FOR CONFLICT
If we're going to overcome conflict in our lives, it will help us to understand first of all the reason that it’s there. The Bible is very clear about this - in fact it's almost too blunt...

• Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? They come from the selfish desires that war within you. (James 4:1, NCV)

C. RESOLVING CONFLICT -- There are practical steps that the Bible speaks about that will help us to resolve the conflicts in our lives…

1. Become a sincere follower of Jesus Christ.

• Ephesians 2:16 - As parts of the same body, our anger against each other has disappeared. For both of us have been reconciled to God and so the feud ended at the cross.
• Paul's talking about conflict between nations here but this works between people too. The feud ended at the cross. God's able to solve the conflicts in our lives.

2. Become a responder, not a reactor. How?

• Prayer. Before you react to the other person, talk to God about it. In fact, that may resolve it right there! You may find it's mostly your problem anyway.
• James 1:5 -- If you want to know what God wants you to do ask Him and He will gladly tell you.
• Seek out wisdom (become accountable; mentoring constellation)
• Proverbs 11:14 (AMP) -- Where no wise guidance is, the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.
  

3. Seek first to understand – and then to be understood (or, learning how to listen)

• Philippians 2:3 -- Don’t be selfish. Don’t just think about your own affairs but be interested in others’ too, in what they are doing. Your attitude should be the kind that was shown us by Jesus Christ.
• The Greek word for “interested” is “scopos”. It’s the same word we get the words microscope or telescope from – focus in on the needs that they have in their lives.
  

4. Be in touch, or get in touch, with your own issues – and own them.

• Matthew 7:3 -- Why do you notice the little piece of dust in your friend’s eye, but you don’t notice the big piece of wood in your own eye. First, take the wood out of your own eye and then you will clearly see to take the dust out of your friend’s eye.
• Even if it’s a little speck in your eye it’s going to create a blind spot.
• Where do you feel the most challenged by EHC??
  

5. Establish Guidelines.

• Psalm 119:153 (MSG) -- Your mercies, God, run into the billions; following your guidelines, revive me.
• Matthew 18:15-17 becomes for us a guideline for resolving conflict:
  

If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along...

• Sometimes, we need to ask for help…
• Churches (really, all organizations – and families) need “grievance procedures”…
• Passive/Aggressive behavior vs. forbearance
  

6. Use appropriate language

• Pro 15:4 (MSG) -- Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim.
• James 1:26 -- If anyone thinks himself to be [Godly], and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man's religion is worthless.
  

Some basic skills:

• Practice reflective listening (mirroring - or paraphrasing).
• Validate the other person’s feelings (feelings are neither right nor wrong)
• Body language is important… (A part of EH is about not sending mixed signals – body language, tone of voice, etc.)
• Never use the words always or never.
  

Some phrases that help with conflict resolution…

• “Help me to understand…”
• “Can you tell me more about that?"
• "How did you feel about that?"
• “That's got to be hard."
• "You make sense to me because..."
• “I can understand that."
• "That makes sense to me.”
  

But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. (1 Tim 1:5, emphasis added)

Lent Meditation - Saturday 3/14

Missional Engagement of Our Culture

1. Begin -- God calls the church to be a counterculture for the common good.
2. Dwell -- When we live closely with others, we find new opportunities to minister.
3. Unite -- We serve more effectively and joyfully when we serve together.
4. Reconcile -- God wants to heal our racial and ethnic divisions, especially in and through his church.
5. Invest -- Transforming entire communities begins when we give ourselves to people, one by one.
6. Abide -- Spiritual disciplines help us to abide in Christ so we can serve faithfully.

Lent Meditation - Monday 3/9

For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. --Romans 5:6-8

MEDITATION

On January 26, 2001, a drunken Japanese man fell onto the tracks at a Tokyo commuter station. Two men immediately jumped down to rescue him, but an oncoming train struck and killed all three. The incident pricked the conscience of a whole nation when it became known that one of the would-be rescuers, 26-year-old Lee Soo Hyun, was a South Korean national who had come to Japan as a student. The event raised the question, “Why would an outsider like Mr. Lee risk his life attempting to save an enemy?” Historical relations between Japan and Korea seethe with animosity. Most recently, Koreans suffered under Japan’s occupation of their homeland from 1910-1945. Today, more than a half million people in Japan live as second-class citizens because they are descendents of Koreans forcefully transferred to Japan during that period, often as slave labor, including Mr. Lee’s grandfather. The Christ-like act of sacrifice by Mr. Lee (apparently not a professing Christian) will not fade away quickly. Four years after Mr. Lee’s death, organizers in South Korea and Japan joined hands to produce a biographical movie on Mr. Lee, We Will Not Forget You, released this in 2006.

The Father called Jesus not only to die on behalf of us sinners, but also to suffer for us, His enemies (as Romans 5:10 starkly renders it). As adopted children of the King, we rightly bask in the warmth of God’s mercy. Yet might we not experience more powerfully the expanse of His grace by often reflecting on the incomparable suffering Jesus endured from us in our enemy state—before He “brought us into the Kingdom of the Son He loves”? (Col. 1:13)

Think of it! We flogged Him…He washes our sins away! We spat on Him…He loves us! We deemed Him worthless…He pays the ultimate price for us! We treated the King like dirt…He gives us a royal welcome! We were utterly helpless, downright unworthy, intrinsically sinful, profoundly hopeless, intensely rebellious. To such a person—you, me, everyone—Jesus, the Suffering Servant, comes at just the right time to offer deliverance from the prison of sin, despair, and self-reliance. Likewise, if we endure hardship in spreading this Good News as human history unfolds relentlessly toward its climax, our suffering is ripe with meaning, never in vain, because it lives out the heart of the One who accepted the role of Sufferer…even for His enemies.

The challenge: how will we walk in the footsteps of our willing-to-suffer, willing-to-die Master? What does it mean to share His sufferings? (1 Pet. 4:13) The cross can become the core of our passion as we honestly recognize our sin that made it necessary and give ourselves to “jump on the tracks” if necessary so that others might come to know the cross.

REFLECTION

• How did you, as Jesus’ enemy, cause Him to suffer? What do you want to say to Him?
• How are you experiencing the friendship with God that Jesus has given you?
• Do you have an enemy you need to love, or a persecutor to whom you should reach out?

Roger Hederstedt, CRM

I think it helps to keep in mind that Jesus was both fully human and fully God -- not just God in an earth-suit. It's a mystery, yet it helps us to understand what he went through.

"Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion" (Phil 2:5-8, MSG)

Lent Meditation - Thur 3/5 - Desert Song (This Is Our God)

This is a new song we're singing at the church. While the story is tragic, the outcome is honest and real -- and worshipful. Enjoy...

Lent Meditation - Wed 3/4

Matthew 21:28-32, NLT

“But what do you think about this? A man with two sons told the older boy, ‘Son, go out and work in the vineyard today.’ 29 The son answered, ‘No, I won’t go,’ but later he changed his mind and went anyway. 30 Then the father told the other son, ‘You go,’ and he said, ‘Yes, sir, I will.’ But he didn’t go. 31 “Which of the two obeyed his father?” They replied, “The first.” Then Jesus explained his meaning: “I tell you the truth, corrupt tax collectors and prostitutes will get into the Kingdom of God before you do. 32 For John the Baptist came and showed you the right way to live, but you didn’t believe him, while tax collectors and prostitutes did. And even when you saw this happening, you refused to believe him and repent of your sins.

I’m most like the older son. My first tendency is to react (rebellion is one of my issues). I’ve learned how to wait, think, pray, and seek input from mentors and friends. So, now I’m more responsive. I re-turn and, in the end, I usually make it to the “vineyard.”

Here’s another verse that helps us think about re-turning: God’s kindness leads us toward repentance (Romans 2:4).

It is not repentance that saves me; repentance is the sign that I realize what God has done in Christ Jesus. --Oswald Chambers

There is no justification without sanctification, no forgiveness without renewal of life, no real faith from which the fruits of new obedience do not grow. --Martin Luther

God is good.

Some Reasons We Don’t Like to Talk About Race

One of the things I get very excited about as I consider the opportunities before MPVCF this year is for us to engage in respectful dialogue over the issue of race. (BTW, I received some helpful input that "racism" can be a buzzword for all races and that it may be more appropriate to describe our opportunity as,"cross-cultural communication." See above.) In this season of Lent it would be great if we took some time to think and pray about how we, as individuals and as a church, might make a way for an open respectful dialogue to take place?? What follows is a blog from a second-generation Korean-American who is a pastor named Eugene Cho. The name of the church is Quest Church and it is in Seattle. Please consider his thoughts...

One thing that is clear to me is that the church is quite silent. We talk often of reconciliation that’s necessary between God and humanity but need to keep pushing forward about how our faith informs and transforms our relationship with one another.

In Christ’s family there can be no division into Jew and non-Jew, slave and free, male and female. Among us you are all equal. That is, we are all in a common relationship with Jesus Christ. (Galatians 3.28/The Message)

Why is racism such a difficult topic and issue — including for Christians? Well, here are some of my reasons:

1. It’s hard work. And people can be lazy. And talking about racism is an exhausting conversation because it brings up some deep questions. Reconciliation is hard work.
2. Something called ‘Life.’ There’s lots of other things going on — umm, like the financial recession.
3. Confusion. People don’t like confusion. Folks like clarity and certainty. We like answers.
4. Conflict. People don’t like conflict and, well, the conversation of racism provokes conflict and strong opinions.
5. Fear. People are afraid. Afraid to consider the possibilities that we’re racist, prejudiced, or implicated by our silence. Afraid to consider that we live as victims in a “victimized” mentality. Afraid to consider that we need to “give up” something. Afraid to “count the costs.”
6. Apathy. People don’t care. We’re apathetic. And this is probably the scariest reason.
7. What? We don’t think it exists. What racism? What prejudice? And this is probably as scary as #6.
8. How? People don’t know how to talk about racism. We don’t have an agreed upon framework to engage the conversation and move toward peace and reconciliation.
9. We want to forget the past and just “move forward.” It’s over. Heck, Obama is president. It’s a new day.
10. [Insert additional reasons].

The topics of racism, prejudice, and reconciliation are indeed painful conversations. While I don’t necessarily believe that the answer lies exclusively with the church, I do believe the answer lies with the gospel. It lies ultimately with the message of ’shalom’ that God intended for humanity to live in fellowship with God and with one another — because we are created in the image of God.

Check out this video about one way we can engage the discussion about racism. Far too often, we end up implicating ‘the person’ leading to lots of anger, confusion, and defensiveness. Many times, it’s best to isolate the act and begin from there.

Lent Meditation - Monday, March 2nd

SCRIPTURE READING

For a long time I have kept silent, I have been quiet and held myself back. But now, like a woman in childbirth, I cry out, I gasp and pant. I will lay waste the mountains and hills and dry up all their vegetation; I will turn rivers into islands and dry up the pools. I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them (Isaiah 42:14-16, NIV).

MEDITATION

In societies of instant gratification, we often expect and even demand that God respond immediately to our expectations. Of course, He rarely does. Our hearts wonder if He loves us, really loves us. Isaiah’s complex book tells us in chapter 42 about God’s passion toward His people. It isn’t about flash emotion, but about the non-wavering resolute love of God to complete all He has promised toward us. The words at the beginning of the above passage remind us that our Lord’s love is not compromising, His intention is not negotiable.

The lyric of verse 14 is profound, “like a woman in childbirth I cry out, I gasp, I pant.” This is a passion that has been restrained, one that has a birth date of its own. As we face life, frustrated at the seeming victory of injustice, the Lord gives us a glimpse into His journal, His songbook. He expresses not proper theology, but His heart, His passion, His resolute commitment that will be completed, and one day will be unleashed. From despotic leaders, cancer, crime, broken relationships and dreams never realized, we can forget—our weak heart’s memory becoming discouraged. May God write the truth of His heart’s passion for us on our hearts, and may we remind each other of it regularly and live lives that are passionate toward Him and those He loves.

REFLECTION

• In what circumstance are you struggling to remember that the Lord is passionate for you?
• What events from your past remind and encourage your heart that He is passionate for you?
• How might God be calling you to live more intimately with Him so that you can more fully experience His passion for you?

Mike Brantley, CRM

Lent Meditation - Sunday, March 1st