Combining Emotional Health & Contemplative Spirituality

Peter Scazzero in his book Emotional Healthy Spirituality suggests that emotional health and spirituality must be integrated. He says that it is impossible to be spiritually mature while being emotionally imature. I agree more than ever. I'm wondering why the two ever got a divorce...

It is possible to have been an active, intentional follower of Christ for many years and still be emotionally unhealthy. The Church has done an excellent job at discipling our minds - but not so good at discipling people's emotions.

Scazzero suggests a type of discipleship that includes growth in emotional health and contemplative spirituality. I find his description of emotional health and contemplative spirituality to be an inspiring vision for my faith journey and my understanding of discipleship.

Emotional Health
Is concerned with such things as: naming, recognizing, and managing our own feelings; identifying with and having active compassion for others;
 initiating and maintaining close and meaningful relationships;
 breaking free from self-destructive patterns;
 being aware of how our past impacts our present;
 developing the capacity to express our thoughts and feelings clearly, both verbally and non-verbally;
 respecting and loving others without having to change them;
 asking for what we need, want, or prefer clearly, directly, and respectfully;
 accurately self-assessing our strengths, limits, and weaknesses and freely sharing them with others;
 learning the capacity to resolve conflict maturely and negotiate solutions that consider the perspectives of others;
 distinguishing and appropriately expressing our sexuality and sensuality; and
 grieving our losses well.

Contemplative spirituality
Focuses on classic practices and concerns such as;
 awakening and surrendering to God's love in any and every situation;
 positioning ourselves to hear God and remember his presence in all do;
 communing with God, allowing him to fully indwell the depth of our being;
 practicing silence, solitude, and a life of moving toward unceasing interactive prayer;
 resting attentively in the presences of God;
 understanding our earthly life as a journey of transformation toward ever-increasing union with God;
 finding the true essence of who we are in God;
 loving others out of a life of love for God;
 developing a balanced, harmonious rhythm of life that enables us to be aware of the sacred in all of life;
 adapting historic practices of spirituality that are applicable today;
 allowing our Christian lives to be shaped by the rhythms of the Christian calendar more than the culture; and 
living in the context of a committed community that passionately loves Jesus above all else (EHS, p.45-46).

Becoming Spiritual Mother’s and Fathers

Gen 1:26-27; Romans 1:1; Galatians 4:1-20; 1John 2:12-14

Here’s my presupposition: I believe the highest calling in the body of Christ for a woman is to become a mother in the faith and the highest calling for a man is to become a father in the faith. We all have equal access to those callings.

“Then God said, ‘Let us make [humankind] in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.’ So God created [humankind] in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” (Gen 1:26-27, NIV)

Two points:

1. All people (males and females) are made in the image of God. As such, there is a confluence of majesty and depravity in every human soul. (I believe in total depravity.) This confluence creates a mystery that philosophers and theologians have been debating about for thousands of years…
2. The second point is a bit of a side-point, but certainly relevant on Mother’s Day: Notice the order of creation… In the opening verses of Gen 1 we find…The basic elements created first – the sky, land, and sea. Then the sun, moon, and stars are created. This is followed by living creatures: First are fish and birds, and then land animals. Then God creates the next level: Adam – Here’s the question: Is God working in order of sophistication and complexity? If that is true then the woman is the crowning achievement of God’s sophisticated creation in Genesis – and the female is the apex of God’s creative process!!
   

As we build our case for the high calling of spiritual mother and father-hood, consider...

“Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle and set apart for the gospel of God…” (Rom 1:1, NIV)

This verse identifies 3 distinctive callings that Paul speaks to:

1. A general calling – “a [bond] servant of Christ Jesus.” We ALL share that calling…
2. A special calling – Paul was “called to be an apostle.”
3. A specific calling – “set apart for the gospel [good news] of God.”

2 main points answering the question: What is a spiritual mother or spiritual father?

1. Someone who allows Jesus to rewrite the story of his or her life. (Age and education don’t matter.)
2. Someone who helps others rewrite the story of their lives. (This often begins through listening…)
   

This IS the process of discipleship…The apostle Paul, for example, was literally knocked off his horse and converted in an instant. Before that his life had a very different trajectory – In Phil 3:5-6 Paul announces his pedigree:

“Circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless.”

He was well-bred, well educated, well-connected, he was zealous, and he was committed...

Acts 9 – Paul’s conversion – he was knocked to the ground he asked a very important question (v.6)...

“Who are you Lord?”

He was no longer his own…
2 very two very important questions…

1. Are you allowing Jesus to rewrite the story of your life?
2. Do you want to help others rewrite the story of their lives?
   

What does it mean to allow Jesus to rewrite the story of your life?

1. Understand that you are created in the image of God – we are that mixture of majesty and depravity. (The Psalms tells us that God’s glory rests on every human being.) At birth, and through our early years, we were all handed a life script – or story -- for our lives. For some of us that script included significant pain, abuse, and dysfunction.

2. Step in to unknown territory and invite Jesus Christ, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to rewrite the script of our lives. (This can be terrifying!) At some point we come to realize that our life script has been stained with sin – we can turn our lives over to a God who is alive and available for an intimate relationship with us -- as individuals and as a community of believers. Many of us have false, internalized beliefs – that, for the most part, come out of our families of origin… We’ve believe and internalized statements like:

• I don’t have a right to assert God-infused majestic power
• I’m defective
• I was a mistake
• I am a burden
• I am unlovable
• I don’t belong
• I can’t make mistakes
• I don’t have a right to feel
• I’m a sex object
• We are performance oriented – we have to behave a certain way in order to gain any measure of approval in our lives

Researchers have said that there is the equivalent of millions of miles of film footage about who we are - by the time you we’re 15 years old! We got handed a script in life and, deep inside, we may still believe it. Jesus seeks to rewrite the stories of our lives – and the Bible gives us a new script. Discipleship is allowing God to rewrite the story, or script, of our lives. The 6 principles in the Emotionally Healthy Church are VERY helpful for rewriting the script of our lives

• Looking beneath the surface – What is going on in our interior that is blocking healthy change and growth?
• Breaking the power of the past – Our past affects our present
• Living in brokenness and vulnerability – Owning our own issues and becoming appropriately self-disclosing...
• Receiving the gift of limits – Rejoicing in our limits requires faith in God’s goodness.
• Embracing grief and loss – EHC says this is the only way to effectively develop godly compassion. Grief and joy are connected - if we will grieve our losses, joy will be more accessible.
  
• Making incarnation our model for living well – to learn to love well is to follow the 3 dynamics of Jesus: enter another’s world, hold on to ourselves, and then live in the tension of the 2 worlds.

3. Look for opportunities to serve and to help other people rewrite the scripts, or stories, of their lives.

This is where we look at our next passage of scripture in Gal 4:19 -

“My children, with whom I am again in labor until Christ is formed in you…”

Paul uses a matriarchal mothering image here to convey his commitment to love and serve people – to come alongside and help them rewrite the script of their lives…

Here's a question and answer it with one final passage. What is the distinguishing characteristic of a spiritual mother or father?

In 1 John 2:12-14 John identifies 3 basic stages to development: children, young men (or women), and fathers (and mothers) in the faith:

12I am writing to you, little children, because your sins have been forgiven you for His name's sake.
13I am writing to you, fathers, because you know Him who has been from the beginning I am writing to you, young men, because you have overcome the evil one I have written to you, children, because you know the Father.
14I have written to you, fathers, because you know Him who has been from the beginning I have written to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one.

The distinguishing characteristic of a mother or a father in the faith is that they know Him (Jesus Christ) – who has been from the beginning.

Our society is in desperate need of spiritual mothers and fathers to mentor and nurture others in an authentic Christian spiritually in order to serve the purpose of God in this generation and to do the works of Jesus wherever they work and live.

5 QUALITIES OF MOTHERING THAT ARE ALSO CHARACTER QUALITIES OF GOD

1. Security

• (God says) "Like babies you will be nursed and held in my arms. You will be bounced on my knees. I will comfort you as a mother comforts her child." Isaiah 66:12c,13b (NCV)
• The door slams as the kids get home from school and what's the first thing that you hear? "Mom? Mom? Are you here?" Now the kids wouldn't say, "I need to know that your here for my security," but that's what's going on. Moms mean security.
  

Look at how God is wanting to provide security for those who will come to Christ:

• (Jesus says) "But some will come to me - those the Father has given me - and I will never, never reject them. For I have come here from heaven to do the will of God who sent me, not to have my own way." Jn. 6:37,38 (TLB)

2. Healing
(Paul says) "But we proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children." 1 Thess 2:7 (NAS)

• In Matt. chap. 15 we see a gentile woman bring her sick daughter to Jesus to be healed...she showed great resolve and determination...
• "'Woman,' Jesus told her, 'your faith is large (or great), and your request is granted.' And her daughter was healed right then." Mat. 15:28 (TLB)
• One way or another, mothers bring healing to the family. One of my favorite images of Linda through the years is the way she is so often hugging our children and wiping the tears away after some disappointment or a lost battle with the pavement. There's nothing like a mom wrapping her arms around you and telling you that everything's going to get better.
• Mother not only bring security and healing to the family, but they also bring...
  

3. Sacrifice

• Mothers almost always have the middle name of sacrifice. I remember catching a few minutes of a TV special last year that was paying homage to mothers. There were short takes of celebrities honoring their moms. Arsenio Hall told of the many times his mother prepared him dinner and told him that she wasn't hungry. He said that it wasn't until later in life that he realized that his mother had given him the only food they had. It seems that mothers are always giving; pouring their lives into their children.
• "And [Hannah] made this vow: 'O Lord of heaven, if you look down upon my sorrow and answer my prayer and give me a son, then I will give him back to you, and he'll be yours for his entire lifetime..." 1 Sam. 1:11 (TLB)
• "For God loved the world so much that he gave his only Son so that anyone who believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." Jn. 3:16 (TLB)
  

4. Training

• The 4th character quality of mothers that are also found in God is training. Mothers patiently train their children. I'm amazed to watch Linda helping the kids with multiplication tables, fractions, grammar, cooking, or cleaning - she is so patient, so even in her love and training.
• "Can't you hear the voice of wisdom? She is standing at the city gates and at every fork in the road, and at the door of every house. Listen to what she says!" Pro. 8:1-4 (TLB
• (God is) "like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its (wings or) pinions." Deut. 32:11 (NIV
• The 5th and final quality of mothering that is also a character quality of God is...
  

5. Faith (a seemingly unwavering faith in the child)

• One writer has said, "The mother love is like God's love; He loves us not because we are lovable, but because it is His nature to love, and because we are His children."
• (Jesus says) "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings..." Matthew 23:37 (NIV)
• Mothers seem to carry an unwavering faith in their children. I have a book in my library by a man who dedicates the book to his mother and this is what he said: To Mother who, through the hard years, smiled and stood fast while others smiled and turned away. Mothers almost always believe the best, no matter what.
• "Love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Cor. 13
  

These are motherly qualities women have because they were created in the image of God. You can be a biological mother without Jesus; but you cannot be a channel of the highest blessings of this world without Jesus. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOMS!!!

Our Father in Heaven – Matthew 6:9b

With the Lord’s Prayer, in Mat 6 and Luke 11, Jesus teaches a universal declaration that a new community of hope and reconciliation is forming. This prayer is curiously relevant to all people in every culture throughout history – in all circumstances and in every season of life. It is a work of both literary and sacred genius.

It would be a betrayal to pray “My Father,” for the prayer of Jesus is not only a declaration of a heavenly parent, but initiates a new perspective of family intent on forsaking the land of “ME” and entering a promised land of “WE.” In this land of promise the God of the universes has reached down to us with an invitation to know and be known.

Prologue -- Matthew 6:5-8

5"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

1. Pray Sincerely: (v.5) Don’t be as the hypocrites who desired to only appear sincere (they were posers).

2. Pray Secretly

• (v.6) Find a quiet, alone place to regularly connect with God.
• (v.7) Don’t fall into the trap of meaningless repetition. This is where we build the quiet center…and learn how to be quiet before God, cultivating the ear of our hearts where we learn how to hear the voice of God calling us his beloved.
• (v.8) God knows our needs before we ask. God’s ready to give us good gifts, God just enjoys – and seeks those moments of closeness.
• Brennan Manning, author of the The Ragamuffin Gospel, says that prayer is “holy loitering.”
• Contemplative spirituality is learning how to linger in the text of Scripture for the purpose of transformation and not just information. Asking how does this text comfort, encourage, &/or challenge me?
• Thomas Aquinas said that contemplation is the simple enjoyment of the truth.
• Christian meditation: The act of turning our knowledge about God into knowledge of God? (JI Packer)
• One author said that prayer is disrobing our souls before God – this is who I really am…

3. Pray Specifically - The Lord’s Prayer (Matt. 6:9-13)

• Vs 9-10 are prayer for the establishment of God’s purposes on a cosmic scale
• Vs. 11-15 are prayer for the personal (corporate) needs of current and future disciples.

9"This, then, is how you should pray: " 'Our Father in heaven" (“in heaven” does not signify a zip code, but a vantage point.)

The Father Wound
1. Many of us have less than perfect relationships with our earthly fathers and many people have great difficulty transitioning to viewing God as a good and loving father.
2. Regardless of parental devotion, no parent can fulfill all of the child's wants, needs, or desires.
3. While these wounds can be inflicted with intent, many are unintentional yet still affect the child throughout life.
4. Children's first impressions about men come from their early experiences with their father – or the lack thereof.

5. The Father/Daughter -- The Father-Daughter relationship forms the daughter's opinions of what men are -- or should be, how they should act, especially towards her, and how she should be with them. The father's behavior towards women shapes the way she learns to relate to men. If the father withdrew his affection at the time she entered puberty, the wound only goes deeper. Did your father model how to give and receive affection and tenderness while demonstrating the proper use of strength and power? Part of the father's responsibility is to lovingly prepare his daughter for the major shifts that take place as she moves from child to adolescent to young woman and beyond. Unfortunately, many father's, themselves, had trouble adjusting and many others just weren't available to teach her to venture out from the protected realm of the home to deal with each new phase and its physical and social adjustments.

3. The Father/Son -- This relationship forms the son's opinions of how he is supposed to act and how he should treat women. Too often, however, the father wasn't around to present a healthy model for his son. Today, men have had to face the confusing challenge of learning to balance power with sensitivity, strength with feeling, and mind with heart all on their own.

Andrew Comiskey, in his book on sexual and relational healing entitled Strength in Weakness writes, “Though the Father intended for us to be roused and sharpened by our fathers, we find more often than not that our fathers were silent and distant, more shadow than substance in our lives.” This kind of a “shadow” presence is not what our heavenly Father intended for our relationships with our earthly fathers.

Jack Balswick, in his book Men at the Crossroads writes, “Tragically, many young men are growing up without a father who will affirm their leap into manhood…Often the voices they do hear are distortions of true manhood.” Because so many boys do not have a father affirming their “leap into manhood,” that transition is often filled with feelings of fear, anger and frustration, instead of confidence and security. Lonely and discouraged, boys become isolated and alienated men. In this isolated state, men continue to desire closeness and connection, but they often have no concept of how to achieve it. It is because of this quandary that many men seek out sexual fantasy in an attempt to find some sense of intimacy. Many men feel a void in their lives, often created by the wounds of the past, and some men attempt to fill that void with illicit sexuality. Men’s desire for intimacy and connection is real, powerful, and appropriate. But when men try to satisfy that desire in the form of sexual fantasies and acts, they find merely approximations or shadows of true relationship and connection.

Luke 15:11-31 - The Parable of the Prodigal Sons confronts our false assumptions about what pleases God.

Healing the Father Wound
1. Surrender to the Father’s initiating love.

• The father moves toward both sons… in order to express his love and bring them in.
• It’s not repentance that causes the father’s love – but the reverse. It’s surrendering to the father’s love that brings about repentance.

2. Refuse to be emotionally passive. (This was primarily the sin of the older brother, but the traveling prodigal was willing to resign himself to this.)

• Emotional Passivity -- Repressed, self-imposed oppression of emotions based on an unmet longing for acceptance – usually from our fathers. This repression, or self-imposed oppression, generates anger that if allowed to turn inward will eventually express itself as either chronic depression, or passive-aggressive behavior.
• Awakening the passive soul begins with confessing the sin of deadening our soul and making conscious choices to (go ahead and) feel the sadness, the grief, the sorrow -- and ultimately the joy. (We have learned some of the principles of healthy grief and loss from EHC)

1. Sadness opens the heart to what was meant to be and is not.
2. Grief opens the heart to what was not meant to be and is.
3. Sorrow breaks the heart as it exposes the damage we've done to others as a result of our unwillingness to wildly pursue God’s grace and truth.

3. Refuse to mistrust.

• Reengages the God given desire to be concerned about the temporal and eternal destiny of those who have harmed us. This transfers trust to God and releases us to care, to be kind, and to authentically comfort others.
• It is not being gullible or stupid - "be wise as serpents and harmless as doves" (Mat. 10:16).
• To care is to use all that we are for the good of others while not walling off the deep parts of our soul.
• The process towards deep caring begins with admitting there is sadness.
• Grief admits there are scars that can be removed only in heaven.
• Godly sorrow begins to develop when we begin to see that our demand for God to prove He cares is a mockery of the Cross (which sufficient proof of His trustworthiness).

4. Refuse to deny passion.

• Passion can be defined as the deep response of the soul to life: the freedom to rejoice and the freedom to weep.
• A refusal to deny, or despise, passion embraces both pain and pleasure.
• A fear of passion makes it nearly impossible to be fully present with other people.
• It's refusing to flee back into the numbing - whatever that is
• It is admitting that while I may be a mess, I AM ALIVE!