From Flirting to Disaster

Marriage should be honored by all,
and the marriage bed kept pure...
~ Heb 13:4

The goal of this covenant agreement is to bring life and healthm establish families and grow kids. Keeping the marriage bed pure is for intimacy and oneness and fun and pleasure.

Valentines Day is not the biggest day for florists -- that is Mother's Day. Unfortunately Valentines Day is the biggest day for Private Detectives.

But no one wakes up and says "Today I will ruin my marriage and my life!" it is more often a slow progression.

During the Cold War, the U.S. came up with the idea of protecting us from a nuclear attack by developing a Distant Early Warning (D.E.W.) Line. The Bible has a D.E.W. Line for marriage as well. Proverbs 5, 6, & 7 is like a narrative: warnings and consequences.

Prov 6:20-29: Ouch! This is the warning as we go into the story. There are certain boundaries:

1) The Boundary of speech (v 24)
We think we can say anything to anyone, but this is not always best. There are boundaries of speech that keep us from adultery:
What you talk about and say about your marriage.
What you say about your spouse.
What you say about your sex life.

Honesty is a value in God's Kingdom, but it is not the highest value. Love is. If you start a sentence with "I've got to be honest with you..." you'd better add to that intro "...so I'm going to be loving".

And there are certain "never" things. Never say:
"I just want to let you know I'm finding myself attracted to you"
"I just want to let you know I'm finding myself emotionally drawn to you"
"You look beautiful." (although "That is a nice haircut" or "that is a nice scarf" -- complimenting the thing, not the person -- is OK)

2) The boundary of thought (v 25)
Sow a thought, reap a deed
Sow a deed, reap a habit
Sow a habit, reap a lifestyle
Sow a lifestyle, reap a destiny

Want to change your destiny? Change your thought life.

Adultery is not about how great the other person is. It is about how great you feel about yourself when you are with them. It is about your ego. Praying "Lord, take this from me" does not kill the ego. Instead, pray this: "Lord, make me unattractive to the other person" -- that prayer kills the ego.

3) The Boundary of the eyes and non-verbals like touch (v 25)
Culturally appropriate touch is healing and wonderful. But marriages can be killed without words ever being used.

4) The Boundary of jealousy
Know your spouse's boundaries.
"I don't trust you" means something deeper than you need. Better to say "I don't trust this situation" -- and sometimes "I don't trust that other person". "You I trust, now go be careful..." -- that is empowering!

What happens when you disregard these boundaries? Prov 7:6-ff

1) You'll lose your discernment and sanity
"It was like my brains fell out!"
yep

2) You'll over-spiritualize an ungodly relationship.
"Now I've found my soul mate"
nope. Spiritual unity is intimate -- so just don't go there to a place where you find yourself prayng togeter alone with someone of the opposite sex.

3) You will find your "moment of opportunity" (v 19)
When you're vulnerable:
When you are on top of your world (ego)
When you are overwhelmed (looking to medicate)
When you are in transition (anonymity)

How do we help?

1) Count the cost NOW!
God will forgive you -- your wife might kill you! =O)
Make a list of things you would lose
And make an even bigger list of the things those around you will lose

2) Nurture your marriage NOW!

3) Nurture your relationship with Jesus...NOW!
Nothing will do more for protecting your marriage!

divorce stats at large: 50%
divorce stats for Christians: 49%
divorce stats for Christians couples who pray together: 1%


the good news
1 Cor 6:9-11 ...that is what some of you were

God will judge the adulterer -- and that was done on the cross.

At the right time, to the right people, in the right situation -- tell your story. God can use that to minister powerfully to someone else.